Today is as good a day as any to mourn for The King, Aslan.

The problem is that I don't know where he is! So in the hopes that cats are pvsychic and can tap into the internet i or if he has used the last of his giiven 9, and again, there is WiFi in the  afterlife, I'll address the following to you.

I am so sorry I didn't come home for two months. I was in s .car accident. I wonder if after 7 weeks you just decided to take matters into your own paws and come find me? I feel so bad that we lost the kingdom unto which you were born and claimed the throne!  You would have not been without your family in my absence. I know you needed me, I can tell by the lost look in Piper's eyes. We're you trying to help her, I wonder? She's so lost and I don't know if it's her age or the stress of this last year. You seemed to adapt just fine.  .
You are the most important cat ever. You demanded tradition and ceremony daily, giving a little structure in an ofhwise chaotic home. You those around we're compelled to give their 100,o/o attention.  Especially me. I know we entered into a contract when you were less than a month old.  It was one of the most strange and amazing moments in my life. Pure magic. I was walking by Sofia's room where you and your sisters were nursing and you pulled away from Sara and stopped me dead in my tracks wih your eyes.  You spoke to me in a language that it beyond word s. You told me you would be with us for a very long time.  I knew you'd see the girls through their college years. Now the twins are Juniors and Sofia would have graduated if that was her path. So I guess our contract is up.   Agve we are no longer to understand to each other. Is it possible our tree and if it's a good thing for you than  I can only be happy. For me I don't feel free. That moment was so long ago but it seems so close to this one. I wonder if time isn't as chro ological as we perceive it . 
I wanted to write about all the great things you have done to make our families lives complete.  I wanted to record all the fun memories. But I am not able to just yet. I am so sad. I feel paralysed with heartbreak. I still carry a glimmer of hope that you found your way to s comfortable home where you make someone happy.in fact I am pretending the Buddhist nuns took you in. If that's the case please drop by to let me know your ok.
 You and Piper kept me going while I ewain the hospital. You

Sorry for myself

So I finished an entry. I was saying how I wanted to stay in bed all day and cry! I am experiencing the aftermath of a traumatic car accident. I have not been home for two months! I'm healing quickly but have too many slow healing Injuries to live normally yet. So today I wake up feeling helpless, sad and depressed. I then make it worse by feeling guilty that I'm so self centered. It's all about me! Looking to make a clear path out from my bed to the door I find a picture drawn by Alexa when she was about 5. It's her and another female, I took it to be me, the height was indicative of adulthood. So letx and I are standing under a black cloud in the pouring rain. But we're smiling and each have an umbrella and bows on our shoes and in our hair! Fuck the rain we're smiling!  She always does, and I'm known for it as well! She smiled from here nightmare of an illness and I from my hospital bed as well. So thank you five year old alexa

The irony is that after having my stiff upper lip epiphany I and recording it via blog I lost the entire thing. It was so much more entertaining than this! Fucked sometimes the universe feels fucked 

monday's axis

Monday's Axis is finally done. I don't think that I can recall ever starting and finishing anything. Starting and finishing and enjoying it all the way through. There were times, especially toward the deadline where I wondered if this was to be like every other goal I set. So Monday's Axis may just be another downtown banner to all who see it but to me it is a reminder that I can do what I set out to do. It also is a warning to my self defeating alter ego that I have finally won a battle. One two three four I declare a war!! Me vs Me

and another thing about beanie babies

I haven't re-read my post, as I will never do because it will never sound good enough to me, but from what I do recall I never clearly stated that I do find these collectors items-eehem-at yard sales, flea markets and thrift stores. My point is that what we are told to be "investments" today are just probably tomorrows garbage. You can see that tye dye bear and all his cronies were unable to send junior to college. But does it matter anyway ? It seems that junior will probably busy with a clean up on aisle seven at your local walmart. OOh I didn't say that did I? Walmart!!!! I will save that for another time. And time is what I don't have now so .....see ya

beanie babies

I was reading a yard sale ad and it said the usual, tools, clothes etc. and beanie babies. It dawned on me that I do run across them at thrift stores and yard sales often. Do you recall the craze? I do and I remember how ridiculous, how totally lame it was. I think that it is a good possibility it was an attempt to train us to think we need totally stupid crap that we really don't need. Those beanie things aren't something I would want my kids having. They're not cuddly and they are a potential hazard, being stuffed with little beanie things. Hazard for kids putting in their mouths and hazard to my already disaster of a messy house. Trust me, my dog has torn open her fair share of them and what a pain in the ass to clean up. We don't need them they serve no purpose at all. Sure lots of things we want or think we need that aren't necessary but the beanie babies!!! Someone somewhere made people think they were of some worth and to convice jo public that they were an investment. Good God thats just plain retarded. Back to my conspiracy it seems that as a whole we weren't a bunch of idiots before the beanie sham but look around you today. Look at California- arnold- governer? replacing a recalled governer davis? Why? Now arnold is cutting amoung other things funding for education- aka -our friggin future. Look at the housing "crisis" People were going nuts buying real estate they couldn't afford and now can't pay. How many houses do you really need. And the things those houses were filled with , bought with money no one had. Those "things "now adorn the for sale ads on craigslist . Are we that stupid? Yes I believe the answer is yes. When we allowed a 24 home shopping show into our homes and let them tell us we needed beanie babies we also allowed common sense to walk out the door. I rest my case

off track....AGAIN

I discover wed that I hav accidentally mixed a great skin tone!!!!!!!

Talk about distracted! I am painting with a purpose, working a composition and testing the pallette. All of a sudden I put the brush on the paper and I see skin tone-perfect! It's not completely mixed in and there is a bit of dark toned drag to the stroke aka cheekbone. Two hours later I come to when it hits me, my toes are near frostbitten as well as my nose and my sweet little dragon is gone and replaced by a very bad self portrait. However, to be fair I must say that at one point it was damn near perfect. Its so sad that I always have to go one step more, I move back a few steps to gain perspective and realize I have quite a likeness looking back at me but the nose or left eye is in need of a tiny shadow or another nmior detail. So I accomidate myself, but it never works! SO, Today, april 5 2008 will be the last time ever!!! The only one who will notice the infraction of structure is me. Imagine if I did this always I may have one or two finished works!!! It can always be better has no meaning in my art.

coincedence

I am listing to Coast to Coast. The guest is William Henry. Over an hour before I tuned in I started a blog titled WhattheBleep. As I am listening I am compeled to go to william henry's website. I flip around stopping on an image of him in egypt, titled ,coincedently What the bleep?

Coincidence ....perhaps

And.. the first call taken was from sacramento practially next door!!